K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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