And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
