don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize