The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Randomize
