I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
