I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize