Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We're too hungover to prance.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
