i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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