no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
