dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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