There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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