You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Drake has all the answers
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
