why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Is Oprah even human
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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