His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Text me some of your sweat
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