oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
