You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
