Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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