he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
