so explain again why im purple
no
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
