I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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