I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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