how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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