Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
