This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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