The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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