Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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