I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize