she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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