My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
