Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
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Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
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then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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