thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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