you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You left your phone here
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