come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
