How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
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If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
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at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.