Texts From Last Night

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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.

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  (919): Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee. http://tfl.nu/oz8w
  Replies (20) Good night (4377) Bad night (996)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.

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  (716): Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed. http://tfl.nu/65fd
  Replies (14) Good night (947) Bad night (3087)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.

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  (224): Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped. http://tfl.nu/31qz
  Replies (32) Good night (4028) Bad night (685)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.

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  (206): He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears. http://tfl.nu/u9sm
  Replies (20) Good night (2049) Bad night (3493)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Not even marginally surprised

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  (765): He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family (812): Not even marginally surprised http://tfl.nu/oyoq
  Replies (8) Good night (3332) Bad night (1999)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.

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  (201): I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday. http://tfl.nu/fib9
  Replies (49) Good night (5384) Bad night (1354)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I feel like my teeth are sweating.

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  (970): I feel like my teeth are sweating. http://tfl.nu/98tq
  Replies (9) Good night (1153) Bad night (2100)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.

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  (720): yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer. http://tfl.nu/fsjr
  Replies (4) Good night (2811) Bad night (667)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.

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  (808): Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry. http://tfl.nu/7pno
  Replies (4) Good night (2604) Bad night (721)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.

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  (216): I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession. http://tfl.nu/2xsf
  Replies (7) Good night (1982) Bad night (867)
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  Just trying to get my dicks in a row.

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  (928): Just trying to get my dicks in a row. http://tfl.nu/3g9d
  Replies (2) Good night (717) Bad night (250)
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  (585): View more from New York

  yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong

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  (585): yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong http://tfl.nu/twjt
  Replies (4) Good night (647) Bad night (279)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1

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  (727): It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1 http://tfl.nu/uvim
  Replies (5) Good night (551) Bad night (245)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug

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  (206): I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug http://tfl.nu/jw7j
  Replies (2) Good night (451) Bad night (221)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it

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  (250): the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it http://tfl.nu/lvi5
  Replies (1) Good night (539) Bad night (246)

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