Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
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the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
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he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.