I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
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I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
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Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad