he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
