Got a toothbrush?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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