My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
