mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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