i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
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