Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
