He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
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I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
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I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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