I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
