We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
