Where did you get a picture of my penis
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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