so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
