somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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