dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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