i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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