Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
