it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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