is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
