Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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