I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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