You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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