Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
