fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
