I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Randomize
