So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
