I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
