Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
