Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
