If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
