Don't make out with my wife yet
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I would ride that face into the sunset
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
