It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
