i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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