The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
