I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
