yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
