She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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