Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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