he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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