I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize