I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
