Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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