The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
