Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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