There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
