I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
