I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
