I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
