We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
